Sunday, May 13, 2007


My mummy cried this morning. I ran to her and asked her something and suddenly her tears just rolled down. I thought she was sweating and I wanted to wipe them off. Then I realised that it was tears. She told me that she missed her mum. (My grandma passed away when I was 3 years old) I missed her too. So I told her that grandma will always be standing beside her watching over her. Sad mum.

We must be not good enough for her that she turn to grandma for help. Thats why she thinks of the past. My mum is still a little girl whenever mention about my grandma. Even me was jealous of my mother for her relationship with grandma. Don't know why I hope I can be as close to my mum as my mum to grandma...

For my mum, she has changed a lot for us. She used to cane us a lot. Before my SPM she was still caning me. My mum is hot-tempered i think. (She claims that before 4 of us exist, she is very gentle and well mannered) In the past, we are very afraid of her.

My parents are very busy people. It is normal for my mum to forget to fetch us after school or tuition. Even everyday finished school at 1.05pm she also cannot memorise it. Once when I was primary 6, my siblings and I waited from 1 to 2.30, all the students left already. The guard also locked the school gate and went home sleep liao. Mum haven't come. (Have neither pocket money or hand phone) So we decided to walk back. The distance is near. Only need to cross 2 big roads and few small lorongs can reach the shop. It was from Wisma Sanyan to SMK Methodist. So near! We hold hands tightly and cross roads together. After 10 minutes reach the shop. Then we went up to office. (Forgot to tell mum that we came back) My mum must have realised that she forgot us. Thus sending off a staff to fetch us. He could not find anyone of course la. My mum started to worry. (We are playing upstairs) When office staff told her that we are upstairs, she was so angry that she came storming up with her favourite rotan. Cane first! She cane us like no need energy one. After that scold and warn us not to repeat again. She told us that she will be worried if she cannot find us. In my heart I thought,'ceh, if you really worry, then you won't let us wait for over an hour la, not scared later people kidnap us kah?'(After this time caning, she did not cane us again for walking back ourselves)

When I was in form 1, I cooked lunch every afternoon. In the rest room, there were a small place for cooking, a table for eating and a sofa. And every morning we arrived the shop, we can iron our uniform, do homeworks or run up and down the shop. But before I go to school, I must prepare the lunch for my family. That time no one go tuition one. My daily life is to lepak around the shopping area near my father's shop. Sometimes go to school kia-kia. (my parents never know I was missing for the whole morning) Then come back prepare lunch. On one sunny day, I slept sweetly on the sofa and forgot to wake up. Until my mum opened the door and want to eat lunch, she found me overslept and have not prepare lunch yet! Oh no. I begged,'Not now ma, I need to go to school weh.' She scolded,'That is your own business' Rotan again. *Pik piak pik piak. After the caning, waters on my cheeks and hang on my nose. I simply cooked something and went off to school. Late liao. (I am 'Chi Dao Da Wang' in school since primary 1) Friends sit around me all came over and asked me what happened. I thought they saw my eyes red and swollen. But no! They said they saw my legs got many red marks. -__-''' Thank goodness, that whole day I sat quietly in class. So embarrasing that so big liao still caned by mama eh! When I was young, I used to think that her hobby is to cane us. @_@

In Sibu, all my friends knew that my mama is a tigress. Like how we see Laura's mum now la. Now she really become better mum. She can tolerate more. Nowadays, rotan education is discouraged. My mum had also tried to be a reasonable mum. This change makes us become closer. I told her my troubles and she teach me how to solve problems. When I was confused by my friends, I asked for her opinion. She can always give useful advices. That our stupid childish brain cannot think of. Since then, I started to admire her wisdom. As we become closer, many things that we have never done before now we did. For example, when she came back from work and saw that I finished cooking a dinner, she will said,'Good job, Shirley'. And a couple of times, she kissed me on my cheeks. Leaving some water on my face. I was totally shocked first time. But feel happy inside. =D

But my mother becomes more sensitive and likes to cry alone. If my father scold her, she hide at a place quietly, then we'll know she is crying there. Most of the time me and susan will go and comfort her. So, I can be my mum's mum too! I do hope that she can also depend on us sometimes, don't keep too many secrets to herself. This she cannot change, she only let her mum knows her secret. She understands us well, but I think I know her 1/100 only. This is the difference between a mother and her child. I think I will never know what my mother thinks.

Ma, I always make you angry or sad, but I appreciate you very much. I am the happiest in the world to have the best mum! I hope you can live healthily and happily for the rest of your life...


saykhia said...

Maybe I should secretly show this post to your mum. She'll probably fill your face with kisses aa! Hahaha.. Just kidding lar. I don't dare tell your mum aa =P

Good daughter oh you. =)

JuDiEtH said...

really a filial daughter u are..u really need a long time to post things up..hahaha...perhaps ur mum haf somethg tat makes her suffer till she did tat to u..anyway,thanx god tat u r understanding..cook everyday again..perhaps is cos u seldom can go mostly spend time at home..closer to family than friends..

huiChing said...

nice entry shirley!i like ur post.

i hv had the same experiences as u do. really.. i hope i can get closer to my mum too... u're indeed a good daughter, at least u do cook for ur family. but i never.
keep up the good work... =)

shirley said...

i bet she ever read my blog. hope that she will not be too touched. =P
first time post comment in my blog la... ya, i m closer to my family than frens. but it was supposed to, right? =)
hui ching,
u r also a good daughter, she will understand one day, as long as u try to get closer to her. my mum n i starts with communication too! welcome to blogspot ya! =D

ShaoWe3 said...

wah....shirley so 孝顺哦....

shirley said...

Shao wee,
actually not very la... there are so many ppl out there more 'xiao shun' than me but they only put in their heart. maybe u r the one. =D

Blank said...

SHIRLEY AH !!..U WRITE THAT POST AND NOW AFTER I READ SO EMOTIONAL !!..whole on i need to cry first..ok finish already hehe..cheers yea

shirley said...

mr. blank,
this post is inspired by u weh. reading ur mothers day reminds me of the old days we used to have. Thanks ya! =)

krospa said...

Hi! What exactly is the "rotan"? Is it a cane or switch it seems? Is it typical in your country to use that to punish children?

shirley said...

Halo, Krospa.
Rotan is a Malay name for cane. That is how Malaysians call it.
Ya, some parents use rotan to punish naughty children. In Malaysia it was quite common to cane a child.
Thanks for dropping comment here. =D

krospa said...

Hi Shirley,
So it's a cane...I'm curious in the different ways parents punish their children in the different cultures. I was beaten by my mom with my dad's belt, as it's typical in Mexico where I'm from. I have some curiosity I'd appreciate if you can help me if you don't find it too unpolite to ask...
You mention that your mum used to punish you mostly with the rotan. Until what age did she cane you? Was it like chasing you along the house and hitting wherever she could or would you be ordered to stay in a certain position and then be punished?(I was ordered to lay on the bed, lower my pants and auch!!). Was it "calculated" (I mean, you were given an announced number of strokes) or just until she thought it was OK? Did she punish all your siblings the same way or for example it was worse with the eldest or with boys...? Were your friends also caned the same way?
Sorry to bother you with so many questions (I know its sounds like an interrogation :-D...) and I hope you don't mind me asking.
Thanks for letting me know a bit more of your culture and experiences!!

shirley said...

The last time I was caned is last year. When me n my siblings dun do the housework she will still cane us. Er, to answer ur questions,
1, I din't run away from her caning, my frens did.
2, I was caned by rotan, the hanger(for clothes),belt, ruler...
3, Sometimes she will cane us according to the level of wrongness we did, then she will calculate how much to cane for each of us. When she was extremely angry, she wun care that much liao.
4, ya, the eldest n the boys will be caned more n harder. As the eldest, I was caned for not being a good model. While the boy is because they have high expectation on him.

Feel free to visit these blogs, they wrote many about their experiences of being caned too. Jordan and Avery

krospa said...

Hi Shirley,
Thanks for your answer!! I had a look at your friends' blogs...yeah, it seems that rotan it's quite common in Malaysia!
I still would like to compare a bit more between what I lived and your experience...if you like :-D
1. You said you didn't how it's like to be caned? As I said, I had to lay in the bed pants down and my mum would hit me usually like 10-15 was it typical for you? (maybe I should say how IS it typical if you still get caned!! I think at 19 you're too old to be caned, don't you agree?)
2. So you have also suffered the belt as I did!...I think a belt hurts much more than anything...What do you think? What's the worse?...When did your mum use one thing or another?
3. So if she canes according to the "wrongness"...which is the typical reason why you get caned and how much does she cane you in that case? And when has been the worst? How much was it and why?
4. Can you tell any example of situation where you have been punished severely and for example your sister very softly?

It's a pleasure chatting with you!! If you'd like to know more about my experience or things about Mexico just ask!!

shirley said...

do u think that ur mother caned u that way is unfair? and r u doing a research? sorry ar, just curious.
Anyway, answers
1, it is like we stand there one row. sometimes hit hands, sometimes legs. Most of the times legs, she choose to hit the part with less bones... Ya, my parents think 19 is old enough for me to be matured, thats why they stop caning me since last year.
2, My mum use anything she can reach when she want to cane us. She use belt to me once only. When i was 9 years old, dun quite remember the taste though. All canings are just painful.
3, It was categorised by the moral wrong, bad habit, not studying, and deeds that leads to a bad consequence. Moral wrongs will be punished by father as this is very serious. He uses different ways to give us a lesson. My mum ler, just differentiate by the number of strokes she gave. The more housework we din't finish, the more strokes she gave.
4, Like the story i tell above, I bring my siblings back walking without telling my mum, she caned me more as I was the leader. We all suffered the same actually.

krospa said...

Hi Shirley,
To answer your questions...My mum didn't cane me, if you mean hit me, she used the belt and sometimes her slipper. I think that I deserved those punishments, but I whish she had used something less painful. And yes, I'm doing a research. I am doing a work for the university, and I was trying to collect experiences in some different countries. You can ask me what you like, don't worry!
Regarding your answers if I'm not bothering you too much I still would like to clarify a bit more:
1. Stand in a row means you just stand still and she puts behind you and hits in your legs? And when was it hands? How many strokes is a typical punishment? Did you have to bare your butt/legs?
3. What do u mean by "moral wrong"? U say it was very serious and ur fater used "different ways". Which ways?
3/4. For example, in the story you tell about not cooking, how many strokes could that mean? Which is the worst you remember?
Thanks for your answers and as I say, if you have any curiosity just ask!!

shirley said...

1, Ya, we stand still in one row. One by one walk out to be caned. Sorry, other details i forgot already. But definately did not bare our butts la.
3, One good example of moral wrongs is steal money, those deeds that is against social norms la. Once, he locked my brother at the shop there at night. That he cannot come out and inside is very dark. For half an hour.
4, I did not count. But i think is less than 10. Can't remember that amount la.
Dunno whether these help in ur research or not. But ur research is very strange la.

spark said...

My parents caned me too. What kind of housework did you not do to get caned last year?